NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 26

screaming out loud
     in silence

prisoner to my mind
     trapped within

in a living corpse
     dead and dying

raging against the life
     destroying me

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 25

black
blackness                    sightless
dark
darkness                     fearful

black
blackness
                                   I am sightless.

dark
darkness
                                  I am fearful.

blood
bloody
                                  I am bleeding.

dead
deadly
                                  I am Death.

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 24

full to bursting with things
     I cannot express

barely contained, barely contrained
    full to bursting

emotions and desires, thoughts and feelings
     barely contained

I struggle to keep them under control
     emotions and desires

warring within, fighting for dominance
     I struggle

I cannot express the helplessness
     lost inside myself

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 23

today.

there is nothing
     but today.

there is no yesterday.
     (nothing but today.)

there is no tomorrow.
     (nothing but today.)

today.
    there is no...

          no...

there is nothing.

today.

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 22

Fighting
     This endless battle
          With myself
          Against myself

Never winning
     Always losing
         Against myself
         To myself

©  Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 21

Trapped
Forever
Screaming
     Inside my mind

Locked
Forever
Screaming
     Out in frustration

Bound
Forever
Crying
     Out for help

Caged
Forever
Crying
     Inside my mind

© Wondra Vanian

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 18

When I broke my arm
I thought physical pain
was the worst pain there was.

When I broke my heart
I thought emotional pain
was the worst pain there was.

When my mind was broken
I learned feeling nothing
is the worst pain there is.

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 17

Breathe.
     In.
          And out.

Just keep breathing.
     In.
          And out.

It's okay -
     In.
          And out.

if all you can do-
     In.
          And out.

today-
     In.
          And out.

is just keep breathing.
     In.
          And out.

Just keep breathing.
     In.
          And out.

Tomorrow you can try to smile.

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 16

spinning, swirling, spiralling
          out of control
          out of time

          out of my fucking mind!

delusioin, disgust, disease
          sick of life
          sick of death

          sick of being so damned sick!

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 15

lost in the swirling void
of self-doubt, self-hate
     and self-harm
spinning further down - and down
with nothing to hold on to
     and no one to catch me
all alone in a battle against myself
in this constant inward struggle
     i cannot hope to win

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 14

alone, apart, outside

last to be picked
     lonely

on the outside
     alone

no one to love
     loved by no one

ever alone, apart, outside

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 13

fear is a cancer
destroying from the inside out
      growing
          leaching
               attacking
                    spreading
until it consumes every cell of your being

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 10

darkness - ever present
though the sun does shine
gnawing away at
my hope
my dreams
my identity
feeding, glutting itself
on my fears and insecurities

darkness - always there
when the sun does shine
taking away everything
my life
my heart
my mind
devouring everything I am
until there's nothing left

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 9

down, down this dark, dark spiral
ever downward, ever darker
prey to weakness, prey to fears
reaching out, reaching for - relinquishing hope
ever, ever, ever... darker
sick of life, sick of struggle
sick of being sick
inside, inside I am sick inside
on this dark, dark spiral downward
no hope to hope, no future, no nothing


© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 4

within my heart
there hides a Darkness
that no amount
of positive thinking
will chase away

along my bones
there lies a frost
that no amount
of warn embraces
will melt away

behind my eyes
there stands a wall
that no amount
of well meant words
will tear asunder

within my soul
there lives a hatred
that no amount
of your understanding
will cast aside

© Wondra Vanian 2012

NPM 30 Day Challenge: Day 1

under the cloudless sky
i sit alone
Shadows that cannot be
creep ever closer
i stretch my arms out wide
try to hold
The Darkness at bay
already knowing
that i will lose

every place a Shadow touches
a blister grows
a festering, fear filled doubt
infecting me, poisoning me
from the inside out

i sit alone
under a cloudless sky
full of Shadows
no one else can see
i wrap my arms tight around myself
try to keep
The Darkness locked within
already knowing
that i have lost


© Wondra Vanian 2012